Flesh Eating Mothers (1988)

A venereal disease turns an entire town of two-timing mothers into cannibals! 

Flesh Eating Mothers is one of the worst horror movies ever written, directed, and acted.  It's also a great movie if you love bad movies.  There's one bad line after another to make you laugh out loud. It's full of crazy shit. 

The story revolves around a group of mothers that turn into cannibals due to a virus caused by adultery. The only ones that assemble to stop them are the teenage children of the mothers, along with help from a goofball doctor.  They check out the virus under a microscope and it's a fucking cartoon.  It has some great lines.  One girl yells at her mom for eating her boyfriend, saying "thanks a lot mom, that was my date to the prom!"  And "I came home and I saw my mom, eating my baby brother!" 

Little Jimmy had a bad day.

 This movie had to be purposely made bad.  "Flesh Eating Mothers" is a nice and tacky time-waster with cheesy gore effects that are explicit but nevertheless too absurd to shock anyone.  Co-written, co-produced and directed by the extremely untalented James Aviles Martin.  Watch it, if you have a wretched sense of humor! 

What are we supposed to do? Stay here and have our asses chewed out by our mothers?

Mom Always Said "No Snacks Between Meals," But What If You Were The Next Meal?

Fantastic dialogue:
Guy: "So what's eating you?"
Girl: "I saw my father kissing a strange woman, I mean he had his hands all over her"
Guy: "That's pretty bad."
Girl: "Not as bad as seeing my mom eat my baby brother!"
Guy: .......
Girl: "No, no, I'm serious. I saw my mother eating my baby brother."

They bit off more than they could chew!

976-Evil (1989)

People who dial 976-EVIL receive supernatural powers and turn into satanic killers. 

976-EVIL is a 1988 horror film directed by Robert Englund.  The film's title refers to the 976 telephone exchange, a now mostly defunct premium-rate telephone number system that was popular in the late 1980s.

This is a cheesy little horror film from the 80's directed by Freddy Kruger himself.  I enjoy watching these movies from the 80's.  It takes me back to my youth with those hair styles and the way the characters talk and act.  But I find the film to be pretty average.

The story centres around cousins Spike (Patrick O'Bryan) and Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys).  Geoffreys was Evil Ed in the film Fright Night and it's impossible to watch him on screen and not think about that.  Anyway, Spike loses his motorcycle in a game of poker and calls a horrorscope line, 976-Evil. He follows the advice on the line and gets enough money so he doesn't have to give up his bike.  Eventually his cousin Hoax finds the number himself and gives it a call.  Personally I would have wiped my ass with the card and tossed it straight into the trash.  Hoax keeps calling the line and it has him performing Santanic rituals, getting possessed by the devil and taking revenge on everyone that picks on him. 

Once you've been to hell, everything else pales in comparison!

976-Evil was a decent time waster & a pretty watchable horror film. The script by Brian Helgeland & Rhet Topham moves along at a fair pace although it does drag in a couple of place.  Englund does a pretty good job as director although he does throw in some cheesy Freddy Kruger type one liners throughout the film.   The special effects are fine, the cinematography & lighting is cool & it's well made throughout. The acting is also pretty good, except the terrible Sandy Dennis & her almost as terrible hair-dos.  They could have chilled with all the smoking.  I've never seen so many smokers in one film.  If the demon didn't kill them they'd have lung cancer within the year.

Yes, there are plot holes galore but Geoffreys performance as a wigged out psychobitch geek who ain't gonna take it anymore is kickass. There's not too much gore though there were some quite cool special effects and make-up, but don't expect a masterpiece.

When Spike dialed 976-EVIL, he knew it was an expensive toll call, but he didn't know that he'd have to pay for it with his soul.

976-Evil is very unique, very original and just pretty fun to watch.  It's a cheese-packed time waster that serves as fine entertainment for those who enjoy these kinds of films. Just understand it for what it is before picking it up and viewing.   It did spawn a sequel, which I haven't had a chance to see yet, however I understand that Spike returns in the second movie.

One Number for Hell!

Trivia:

When Hoax casts the spell that makes spiders come out of Suzie's TV dinner, there's a box of snack cakes behind the TV dinner called "Devil Twins".

Directorial debut of Robert Englund. 

J.J. Cohen lost about thirty pounds for his role as Marcus.

Spike's usual (favorite food) at the diner is 'Deviled Egg'.

You can see a club sign near the beginning of the film that says 'Diablo'.

Marcus was originally supposed to be killed by being thrown off the roof of a building by Hoax. However, this had to be changed to Marcus getting killed in the bathroom by Hoax instead because of the low budget.

Would it be...possible...to open with a pair of hearts?

The Dead Zone (1983)

Christopher Walken wakes from a coma due to a car accident, only to find he has lost five years of his life, and yet gained psychic powers. Foreseeing the future appears to be a 'gift' at first, but ends up causing problems...

The Dead Zone is a 1983 American horror thriller film based on the Stephen King novel of the same name. Directed by David Cronenberg, the film stars Christopher Walken, Martin Sheen, Brooke Adams, Herbert Lom and Tom Skerritt.  In the previous post I commented on a movie based on a Stephen King story and it got a thumbs down.  This movie gets two thumbs up....way up. It might be the best adaptation of a King story ever made.  It's one of the few King novels turned into a really good movie.

The film centers around a young man (Christopher Walken) who is a popular teacher, has a great girlfriend he's going to marry, and has a fantastic life and future in front of him.  But late one night, a horrific car accident takes all of that away from him.  He awakens from a coma five years later and his old girlfriend is married with a child and he has a new ability.  He's able to look into the past or the future with just a touch.  A terrible doomsday vision affects him and he sets out to change the future, even if it means he will not live to see it for himself.

Your house is burning! There's still time!

 This is an emotional, sorrowful tale of loss, grief and sacrifice.  Walken is absolutely fantastic in the role.  He's very likable and, at the same time, frighteningly intense.  The wintry backdrop makes for a bleak atmosphere and helps convey the sadness and loneliness that Johnny feels in his life.  Also starring are Brooke Adams as Johnny's ex, and Herbert Lom as a doctor.  I kept waiting for Lom to go on a rant about Inspector Clouseau.  Martin Sheen is impressive as a sinister politician

Director David Cronenberg delivers a film that resonates perfectly with King's book.  With Cronenberg you may expect this to be a gore-filled affair, but it is actually a subtle film which stresses the psychological sense of fear rather than settling for blood-spattered mayhem.  Nothing in this film will make you jump out of your seat in terror.  But it will wear on your mind and stick with you long after you've finishing watching it. 

it's called the coma diet - lose weight while ya sleep

This film holds up today even though it was made in 1983.  The Dead Zone's script was written by the very talented Jeff Boam and it's fantastic.  He had a nearly unbroken nine-year streak of hit screenplays.  A somber, downbeat film with an unhappy and reluctant hero, The Dead Zone is compelling and definitely recommended.  Quite possibly my favorite film from Cronenberg.

Trivia: 

Before the accident, Johnny instructs his class to read "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow". Christopher Walken would later go on to appear in Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow.

Martin Sheen's character says he has had a vision that he will be the President of the United States. Sheen went on to play the President of the United States in the mini series Kennedy and in The West Wing. 

During the time Michael Kamen was composing the music for the film in London, he would play the score on the piano in his home. He received several complaints by his neighbors who asked, "Can you please stop playing that music? I can't sleep and it's giving my family nightmares."

The film makes reference to 'Sleepy Hollow' which, like this film, is about a schoolteacher. In the novel, Johnny Smith compares his coma and subsequent recovery to 'Rip Van Winkle,' another short story written by Washington Irving. 

"Bless me"? Do you know what God did for me? He threw an 18-wheeled truck at me and bounced me into nowhere for five years! When I woke up, my girl was gone, my job was gone, my legs are just about useless... Blessed me? God's been a real sport to me!

Director David Cronenberg had to re-shoot the scene in which John Smith has his first premonition. It showed a little girl's room burning and a small E.T. doll could be seen on one of the shelves. The scene had to be re-shot when Universal Pictures threatened to sue.

Cronenberg fired a .357 Magnum loaded with blanks just off camera to make Smith's flinches seem more involuntary; this was Christopher Walken's own idea. 

A stuntman was severely burned around the legs and groin when a squib went off too near him during the shooting of the WWII flashback sequence.

The "sweat" on Christopher Walken's face during the "burning bedroom" sequence was in fact a flame-retardant chemical that had been sprayed onto him. The resulting effect, which hadn't been anticipated, looked surprisingly dramatic on film. 

David Cronenberg wanted to change the name of Christopher Walken's character: "I'd never name someone 'Johnny Smith'", he quipped, but in the end it was left as is. The book does specifically mention how it sounds like a fake name.

One of only three David Cronenberg films that do not have a score by his friend, composer Howard Shore. This was due to studio politics in which Paramount wanted a more familiar composer to write the music for the film. Michael Kamen, who had written the music for the film Venom for the studio, was chosen instead. 

This film (and Stephen King's novel) are both loosely based upon the life of famous psychic Peter Hurkos. Hurkos claimed to have acquired his alleged powers after falling off a ladder and hitting his head.

The poem Johnny reads in the beginning of the film is the end of "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. 

There are several deleted scenes that were filmed and completed but have never been seen publicly and are thought to have been discarded prior to the films release. Among them: - A prologue showing John Smith as a boy (played by Stephen Flynn) who sustains a head injury during an ice hockey match. The scene features actor Sean Sullivan as John's father. - An alternate scene of John Smith's vision of the Camp David scene (featuring Martin Sheen) in which John himself appears in the vision as a helpless spectator. Photos of these scenes appeared in the December 1983 issue of Cinefantastique.

Three people were involved in the James Bond franchise. Anthony Zerbe (Roger Stuart) would later appear in Licence to Kill, while Christopher Walken (Johnny Smith) would later appear in A View to a Kill. Michael Kamen, who did the music for this film, would later do the music for Licence to Kill. 

The Dead Zone was the first of several Stephen King novels and short stories that took place in the small town of Castle Rock. Others include Stand by Me, Cujo, The Dark Half, and Needful Things.

Bill Murray was Stephen King's choice for the part of Johnny.

The gazebo where the murder took place was built for the film, and was later donated to the town of Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, where it was filmed and is now a favourite spot for wedding photographs.

I have had a vision that I am going to be President of the United States someday. And nobody, and I mean *nobody* is going to stop me!

In the "nuclear war" scene, Greg Stillson, Martin Sheen's character, threatens to "hack off" someone's hand and put it on the scanning screen. An earlier version of the script actually had Stillson shooting the man and putting his dead hand on the screen.

One rejected ending had Johnny Smith survive being gunned down and predicting a knife attack against his girlfriend while in the hospital, then slipping back into a coma and dying.

In the final scene when Sarah is crying and hugging Johnny, we hear her stop crying for a few seconds to tell Johnny that she loves him, but since her mouth is obscured we don't actually see her say it. The original script did not have her saying this. Her voice was dubbed in later in order to have some closure for Johnny.

The Ice is going to BREAK!!!

Videodrome (1983)

Max Renn runs a TV channel, and when looking for new material to show--he discovers "Videodrome." His girlfriend, Nicki Brand, goes to audition for the show, and Max gets drawn into the underlying plot that uses the show as its front for a global conspiracy.

Videodrome is a 1983 Canadian science fiction horror film written and directed by David Cronenberg, starring James Woods, Sonja Smits, and Deborah Harry.  David Cronenberg has given us lots of films that range from the bizarre to the slightly less bizarre to the stupefying.  This movie was Cronenberg's first masterpiece in my opinion.  The film was Cronenberg's vision of our relationship with TV and manages to repulse and intrigue simultaneously.

DO NOT change that dial

Just about everything works with this film.  The acting, even by Debbie Harry in her first starring role, is excellent. James Woods, in particular, excels.  He really does a great job becoming the sleezy Renn.
Woods disbelief graduating into terror graduating into acceptance is the rock upon which Videodrome rests.  The set pieces are good and the special effects are pretty damn awesome for 1983.  Music is another key element at work.  The score by Howard Shore swells up during the film's most intense and surreal moments, the best is during Woods's lovemaking with his television.  Yeah you read that last line correctly.

Hey dude....I got a great videotape for you to watch.

Let's bounce back to Miss Harry and her role for just a second.  Her character is into some weird sexual shit.  She enjoys cutting herself for pleasure and having her lover stick things through her earlobes while banging.  Oh and for fun she burns her chest with a lit cigarette. The character has a smaller role in the film but as you can see, it's memorable. No heart of glass with her.  The tide is not high here son.  Ok...they're super weak Blondie jokes but I had to throw it in.

When you bang a chick and she starts burning her chest with cigarettes....it's time to punt son.

Videodrome is a movie that was ahead of its time.  The innovative mix of science fiction, sex, violence, surrealism and horror has lost none of its punch over the years.  I'm limited from going into much detail on the plot and events as the spoilers could ruin the film should you decide to watch it.  It's a good little film to check out.  Long live the new flesh.

Trivia:

David Tsubouchi, who appears here briefly as a Japanese porn dealer, later became a Minister in the Ontario provincial government. His appearance in this controversial film as a pornographer was exploited by the opposition.

Among the scenes that were scripted but deleted was one where Max Renn's TV rises up out of his bathtub, while showing an image. The crew had researched how to do this - there had been talk of having the actor IN the tub - and had come up with several solutions. One involved filling the tub with a clear fluid that was non conductive, but that would have cost $25 a quart. The crew eventually decided to take a real TV and simply cover its insides with layers of waterproofing insulation. It worked - they dunked the TV into a swimming pool and found, to their astonishment, that TVs float due to the ultra-high vacuum inside the picture tube. The scene was axed just before it was to be filmed.

During filming of the Cathode Ray mission sequence, the film's gaffer, Jock Brandis, walked in and casually informed the crew that the power lines to the building were smoking because of the load imposed on them by the TV sets.

The majority of the trailer was created with a Commodore 64 computer.

See what happens when you watch too much television. 

Andy Warhol called the movie "A Clockwork Orange of the 1980s".

The character of Brian O'Blivion is based on Marshall McLuhan. David Cronenberg was a student of McLuhan's during college. 

The TV station "Civic TV" is patterned after City TV, an actual television station which started out in Toronto and was particularly infamous for showing soft-core sex films as part of its late night programming schedule. At one point in the film, one of Max Renn's partners is called "Moses" which is a reference to City TV founder Moses Znaimer.

 One of five Sci-Fi/Horror movies that were heavily promoted by Universal Pictures prior to their impending releases in 1982 and given prospective release dates. The others were: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, The Thing (both set release dates for that summer), Halloween III: Season of the Witch (October), The Dark Crystal and Videodrome (December). This ultimately changed when Universal pushed back the film from its original slated release date to February 1983.

Let me get this out for you. Just a second.

An epilogue was planned but never filmed. In it, Max Renn, Bianca O'Blivion and Nicki Brand appear on the set of Videodrome. Bianca and Nicki are shown to have chest slits (vaginas) of their own, from which emerge strange mutated sex organs. The scene was scrapped along with many others due to cost overruns, bad timing (Deborah Harry had stomach flu and James Woods was visiting relatives), and the sheer difficulty of executing such a special-effects scene. A number of other ambitious special effects sequences were also dropped.

The videotapes used in the film (at least as key props) are Betamax format. This is because VHS cassettes were too large to fit into the false stomach for special effects scenes.

The chest-slit sequences had James Woods built into a couch with the chest-slit apparatus glued onto him. Woods swore he would never work with anything that had to be glued onto him ever again! During filming the sequences with the flesh-gun (which "fired" bursts of cold, vaporous gas), Woods played a prank on director David Cronenberg by smearing his (real) hand with blue paint and pretending he had frostbite.

Most of the major characters in the film make their appearance in the film from a television screen.

Woods gives new meaning to the term " Giving Head"

Cocktail (1988)

A talented New York bartender takes a job at a bar in Jamaica and falls in love. 

Cocktail is a 1988 film directed by Roger Donaldson and written by Heywood Gould, whose screenplay was based on his book of the same name. The film stars Tom Cruise as Brian Flanagan, Bryan Brown as Doug Coughlin, and Elisabeth Shue as Jordan Mooney. Released by Touchstone Pictures, the film features an original music score composed by J. Peter Robinson.

Ok listen....I was flipping through the channels one day and ran across this movie on Showtime. Considering that I grew up in the 80's and was familiar with the god awful Beach Boys song "Kokomo" that comes from this movie....I started viewing it.  I watched the entire movie.  I'm not proud of it but I did it.  And I am a straight male.

The film tells the story of a young New York City business student, Brian Flanagan, who takes up bartending in order to make ends meet.  Flanagan gets in a fight with his bartender pal Doug over a bitch and takes a job at a bar in Jamaica and falls in love.  You can't stop love.

You can't stop love.

This was a blockbuster movie.  Chicks went to see it and got stuck to their seats. It made Tom Cruise a megastar.  This is 100% a chick flick and is absolutely ridiculous.  It has bartenders flipping drinks through the air.  It has horrible dialogue which apparently was written after someone had a few too many drinks. The romance mimics just about every sitcom ever created.  Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy sees the light, boy gets girl back, girl's father throws her out, boy and girl open a super cool bar and have twins.  Excuse me...be right back, I need to throw up.

My biggest question is how did they serve drinks to a full bar while they were flipping bottles all over the place.  That would have been cute for a moment until someone started wondering, "Where the fuck is my drink pretty boy."

I'm feel pretty...so very pretty.

As a tidbit...this film won the Razzie for the worst film of 1988 and is listed among the top 100 Most Enjoyably Bad Movies Ever Made. If you grew up in the 80's then it may be good for some nostalgia. Otherwise stay away young sir...stay away.

Trivia:

Brian and Doug's bartending skills are referred to as "flair bartending." John Bandy, a flair bartender, trained Tom Cruise for the film.

The boxing fight shown on the TV, upon which Doug has a $50 bet, is a heavyweight bout between George Foreman and Ken Norton.

The correct name for the plastic bit on the end of shoelaces is an "aglet" not a "flugelbinder".

Forget Tom Cruise....Kevin is the man for me.

Phenomena (1985)

A young girl, with an amazing ability to communicate with insects, is transferred to an exclusive Swiss boarding school, where her unusual capability might help solve a string of murders.  

Phenomena is a 1985 Italian horror film directed by Dario Argento. An edited version of the film was released in the United States under the title Creepers.  When I was younger I remember seeing the video sitting on the shelves in the local video shop.  It was under the "Creepers" title and it looked sort of silly so I never rented it.  I'm glad I didn't.  That version for the US was butchered up with a lot of footage cut.  I've now gotten around to viewing the entire film with all the sliced footage intact.  

It has a 14-year-old Jennifer Connelly, playing a sleepwalker who has a bizarre telepathic bond with insects and uses them to help her solve a string of gory murders at a girls boarding school in the Swiss Alps. A lot of people love this film and a lot of people hate this film.  I fall right in the middle.  It's not bad but I don't find it very good either. Donald Pleasance is in the film as a wheelchair bound bug dude. But the entire time I'm watching him on screen I keep thinking he's going to burst out in a rant about Micheal Myers being the devil.  Instead he's hanging out with a pet monkey. 

Bubbles, did MJ touch you in the bad place?

 Phenomena is a surreal, magical and surprisingly beautiful film.  It also has gruesome gore with a swimming pool full of maggots and rotting corpses, a mad dwarf, a razor wielding monkey and grisly decapitations. And we get a kick ass soundtrack with Iron Maiden and Motorhead.  Partially a Giallo, and partially a horror film with psychic and transcendental elements, "Phenomena" is a creepy film that gets kind of silly of times in my opinion with the bug communication deal.

The special effects were decent, given the year. The firefly special effects were cool, and there was at least one swarm scene that I thought looked pretty neat.  A lot of people love this movie but I don't fall into that group.  It's well below Suspiria in my opinion.  But if you ever wanted to see a monkey go ape shit with a razor blade then this is a movie you want to see.

Weird

 Trivia

Shot in English and dubbed into Italian. 

Most of the Italian and other non-English speaking actors/actresses actually dubbed their own voices into English for the USA and UK distribution.

A sequel to Phenomena was going to go into production in 2001 but it was canceled due to Dario Argento's contract with Medusa.   

Director Dario Argento said that his idea for the look of the killer child came from the real genetic disorder Patau Syndrome, which causes severe deformation of the face. For this reason, Argento calls the child Patau, even though he is never named during the film. 

Director Dario Argento often cites this film as his personal favorite among his works.

The trained chimpanzee that plays Inga escaped into the woods at one point during shooting. After a few hours of searching she was found and returned to the set. 

Jennifer Connelly said in an interview that she was bitten by the chimp in this film. Apperently during one scene the chimp kept turning around and Dario Argento, not wanting to film her behind, asked Connelly to place her hand on the animal to stop her from turning. But when she attempted to do so, the chimp became enraged and bit her; and then became very hostile toward Connelly for the rest of the film.  

The film was inspired to Dario Argento after he learned that insects are sometimes used during murder investigations. 

The story Jennifer tells about her mother abandoning her was an actual story from Dario Argento's own childhood. 

Jennifer Connelly had part of her finger bitten off by the chimpanzee in the final scene at the end of the film. She was rushed to the hospital and the finger was re-attached.  

A young Jennifer Connelly

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

Giovanni Lambardo Radice and John Saxon are Vietman vets that bring back a contagious virus that turn people into cannibals when bitten. 

Cannibal Apocalypse is a 1980  horror film directed by Antonio Margheriti, written by Margheriti and Dardano Sacchetti, and starring John Saxon.

It starts off in Vietnam where John Saxon gets bitten by P.O.W. John Morghen who has been infected with some sort of cannibal virus. A few decades later in Atlanta, Georgia, Saxon wakes up from a nightmare flashback of what actually happened back in 'Nam. Saxon then receives a call from Morghen asking him if he wants to go out for a drink but Saxon refuses remembering the incident in 'Nam. Morghen has turned into a cannibal and is soon on the run after biting into a woman's neck. He barricades himself in a department store and shoots some dudes with a shotgun. The cannibal virus spreads and soon Saxon joins veterans Morghen and Tony King along with some others to wreak some havoc.

John Saxon

We all know who John Saxon is.  He was in Enter The Dragon with Bruce Lee.  He was Nancy's dad in Nightmare On Elm Street.  And he even showed up in an episode of Wonder Woman.  And apparently he was not too pleased about being in this film. He has spoken out about the film many times. Not sure why with some the shitty films he's been in, but for some reason this one burns his ass. It's actually not a horrible film. At times it is kind of corny and it has the stupidest biker gang in the history of films but it's not horrendous.  To Saxon's credit he does deliver some silly lines with a straight face.

Oops

 The film has some cannibals but it falls short of any apocalypse.  It also includes a rather strange scene of a young teenager trying to bang John Saxon.  He goes down on her alright by biting and taking a chunk out of her. I'll give credit to director Antonio Margheriti for trying something different but this film didn't overwhelm me. Apparently Quinton Tarantino loves the film and my taste usually falls in line with his.  In this case it really didn't.

The music is rather cheesy and there are more action scenes than straight horror.  But there are several stand out gore scenes, the most memorable being when Morghen's stomach is blown away by shotgun blasts. Other gore highlights, courtesy of FX wizard, Giannetto De Rossi (Zombie, The Beyond, Living Dead at Manchester Morgue) include - a girl having her breast torn away and eaten, a doctor having his tongue bitten out then spat next to his dying body, a garage mechanic having his thigh sliced like a slab of beef.   If you're a fan of John Saxon or cannibal film maybe this is your cup of tea but it feel flat to me.  I keep going...but..but..but.  Though this is supposed to be an 'extreme gore classic,' it's pretty tame by today's standards.

Damn I'm hungry....

Quotes:

Captain McCoy: Charlie can you hear me?
Charlie Bukowski: I can hear you. Shitface.

[seeing a cannibal policeman bite a woman's breast]
Captain McCoy: Oh, my God! Put that down, son!

Nothing like an awkward scene of a 16 year trying to seduce a 40 year old man.

A Fist Full Of Talons (1983)

Qing I-ming (Billy Chong) joins up with Ding Wei-zhong (Pai Yin) to ward off a final rebellion against the newly-established Chinese Republic. Ding is carrying highly important documents to the government when he is attacked by two men in league with the counterrevolutionaries. When Ding's stolen horse ends up on the block in the marketplace, Qing I-ming notices the animal and assumes that Ding is in trouble. Inspired by his new girlfriend Eagle Woman Ma (Liu Hao-i), Qing is ready for action.

Billy Chong....he was supposed to be the next big action star.  But alas, it never happened.  This however, was easily his best film. When he first appears on screen, he's washing a horse and comments on the horse's huge cock.  Needless to say, I wasn't sure what direction this film was going in at that point. Is this a martial arts film or gay horse porn?  Thankfully there were no more comments on horse genitalia throughout the rest of the movie.

Talons was directed by Sun Chung, who previously had worked with Shaw Brothers Studios.  He has several well known films in the kung fu genre, "Avenging Eagle" and "Human Lanterns".  It also has the legendary Robert Tai orchestrating wire-assisted fight sequences and the fighting mastery of "5 Deadly Venoms" action director Robert Tai.  Even though most releases of this film on DVD absolutely blow in picture quality, this is a pretty damn good kung fu flick.

When I get this coat off, I'm whipping your ass son.

Hwang In-shik’s performance as the lead villain (Ni Sin) is disappointing.  He had masterful performances in "Hapkido" and "When TaeKwondo Strikes", but doesn't really show up in this film until the final climatic fight.  This was also his last major film appearance.

The film has several unusual characters such as a crazy mother fucker called "Little Bandit". Mr. Bandit ends up getting his ass handed to him by the Manchus and somehow makes it back to warn Ding and Yi Min.  Ding then proclaims what a great hero Little Bandit was and gives a mind numbing speech about it. The film copies Sergio Leone's A Fist Full of Dollars in title but it is in fact also a reference to Eagle Woman Ma and her pet eagles.  Chong's character at one point is set up in an arranged marriage with her and when he jets out, she chases after him the whole movie. She even aids in his battle in the climactic fight by sending her eagles to peck out the eyes of the villain.  And in the final shot, which is unforgettable, her eagle is ripped in half by Ni Sin just as Yi Min gives him a kick to the skull.  It's one of those "Holy Shit" moments.

The Climax of the film....not the horse.

Overall this film has plenty of fights and cool stunt work. The actors are all good fighters and fans of old school kung fu movies will enjoy it. And once again...when he rips that eagle in half....Holy Shit.