Flesh Eating Mothers (1988)

A venereal disease turns an entire town of two-timing mothers into cannibals! 

Flesh Eating Mothers is one of the worst horror movies ever written, directed, and acted.  It's also a great movie if you love bad movies.  There's one bad line after another to make you laugh out loud. It's full of crazy shit. 

The story revolves around a group of mothers that turn into cannibals due to a virus caused by adultery. The only ones that assemble to stop them are the teenage children of the mothers, along with help from a goofball doctor.  They check out the virus under a microscope and it's a fucking cartoon.  It has some great lines.  One girl yells at her mom for eating her boyfriend, saying "thanks a lot mom, that was my date to the prom!"  And "I came home and I saw my mom, eating my baby brother!" 

Little Jimmy had a bad day.

 This movie had to be purposely made bad.  "Flesh Eating Mothers" is a nice and tacky time-waster with cheesy gore effects that are explicit but nevertheless too absurd to shock anyone.  Co-written, co-produced and directed by the extremely untalented James Aviles Martin.  Watch it, if you have a wretched sense of humor! 

What are we supposed to do? Stay here and have our asses chewed out by our mothers?

Mom Always Said "No Snacks Between Meals," But What If You Were The Next Meal?

Fantastic dialogue:
Guy: "So what's eating you?"
Girl: "I saw my father kissing a strange woman, I mean he had his hands all over her"
Guy: "That's pretty bad."
Girl: "Not as bad as seeing my mom eat my baby brother!"
Guy: .......
Girl: "No, no, I'm serious. I saw my mother eating my baby brother."

They bit off more than they could chew!

A Cadaver Christmas (2011)

United by terrifying and bizarre circumstances, the janitor, the drunk, the bartender, the cop, his perp, and the student security guard must fight to undo the professor's work. A dark force is at work in the cadaver lab this Christmas and this unconventional band of heroes are the only hope the world has against an army of living corpses that are quickly recruiting new members. The undead have been given the gift of life and it's up to the janitor to take it back. 

From Level 33 Entertainment comes a horror zom-comedy. A group of misfits have to save the world from a cadaver invasion.  And quite a group it is....You have a drunk (played by Hanlon Smith-Dorsey), a bartender (played by Ben Hopkins), a former police officer (played by Yosh Hayashi), a perp (played by Edward O'Ryan) and a janitor (played by Daniel Rairdin-Hale). The cadaver's come to life in a lab at the local college and they must not escape. 

We are here to save the world.

From what I can tell after hearing opinions of others on this film, I'm in the minority that didn't really care for it.  It's a horror comedy but the problem is I wasn't laughing.  I did chuckle a few times though. I wanted to like the film.  I really did.  But just like George Washington I cannot tell a lie. It was average zombie fare that was short on laughs but I'll give some credit....it was full of gore. Lots of gore. 

It's pretty obvious that not a lot of money was spent on this film.  It's low budget all the way.  One thing that was cool was that the movie scuffed up the film trying to make it look like a grindhouse film. It had some crazy moments for sure such as the perp sneaking off and fucking a corpse.

I love B movies and horribly bad movies that are so bad they are good.  A zombie Christmas movie sounds awesome on paper.  Poor execution. The characters had poor dialogue and are so annoying that instead of rooting for them, I couldn't wait until they died.  If you're a zombie movie fan and have to see everything zombie related give it a try.  I might even give it a second viewing to see if my opinion changes.  Doubtful though. 

I'm a janitor.  Never leave a mess unclean.

Tales From The Crypt (1972)

Tales from the Crypt is a 1972 British horror film, directed by Freddie Francis. It is an anthology film consisting of five separate segments, based on stories from the EC horror comics of the fifties by William Gaines.  Five people on a tourist trip end up getting lost in a crypt and run into the Crypt Keeper (Ralph Richardson) who proceeds to show them how they each died.

The Crypt Keeper

After recently reviewing films that run from average to shitty beyond belief, I now run into this gem. It's filled with a star studded cast that does a great job. (Peter Cushing, Joan Collins, Ian Hednry and Richard Greene)  This is a fantastic film with a great performance by Peter Cushing, as Arthur Grimsdyke, in his segment "Poetic Justice". In fact, Cushing won the Best Actor Of The Year Award in France for this role.  This was the first horror adaption of comic to film and could be considered an inspiration to Creepshow.

Peter Cushing has a heart in this film.

 I'm not going to take you through all five tales, mainly because I'm too damn lazy to write it. But another fine segment was "And All Through The House" which has Joan Collins as the wife who kills her husband but can't call the police when a psycho Santa ambles up to the house.  This story also showed up in the "Tales From The Crypt" TV show years later.  Hell, all the stories are good and all the characters are deserving of their fate.  You don't feel bad for any of them when they get their just deserts.

Ho Ho Ho

 If you're a fan of British horror films or anthologies then this is the a film you must see. The movie is stylishly made and has suspense and gore that is sure to please.  Pick up the DVD for a cold winter's night.  It won't disappoint.

Trivia:
Peter Cushing is said to "act as himself" in this movie: Cushing's wife had died recently and he was very depressed; while Cushing's character is a widower who uses a ouija to talk with his dead wife.

Ralph Richardson filmed his major role in a day.

Peter Cushing was originally intended to play Ralph Jason, but after looking at the script he persuaded the producers that he would do more justice to the role of Mr. Grimsdyke.

Last full length cinema film of Robert Hutton.

Robert Zemeckis has said this is his favorite movie to watch on Halloween since it was released. he later produced a HBO show based off the comic series and directed the first episode, which was also the first story in the movie.

Peter Cushing wanted to do the movie so much that he took a lower fee.

Stephen King and George A. Romero considered remaking this movie together. Their work together resulted in a completely separate but similar film, Creepshow.

Director Freddie Francis never read the original comics, fearing it would affect his personal interpretations on the stories. 

Despite being top of the bill and one of the six leads Joan Collins has only 15 lines

Only two stories in this film - "Reflection of Death" and "Blind Alleys" - originally appeared in EC Comics' "Tales from the Crypt." "...And All Through the House" appeared in "The Vault of Horror" and "Poetic Justice" and "Wish You Were Here" both appeared in "The Haunt of Fear."

"Wishing You Were Here" has a scene where Barbara Murray eviscerates Richard Greene with a sword, exposing his intestines. This scene was originally cut in order to get a PG rating, although it was restored in later versions.

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

The Countess is called away to tend a sick friend and imposes on the General to accept her daughter Marcilla as a houseguest. Some of the villagers begin dying, however, and the General's daughter Laura soon gets weak and pale, but Marcilla is there to comfort her. The villagers begin whispering about vampires as Marcilla finds another family on which to impose herself. The pattern repeats as Emma gets ill, but the General cannot rest, and seeks the advice of Baron Hartog, who once dealt a decisive blow against a family of vampires. Well, almost. 

The Vampire Loves is a Hammer produced film that was directed by Roy Ward Baker and starring Peter Cushing, Ingrid Pitt, Madeline Smith, Kate O'Mara and Jon Finch.  It is based on the J. Sheridan Le Fanu novella Carmilla and is part of the so-called Karnstein Trilogy of films, the other films being Lust for a Vampire and Twins of Evil.  It is notable as being one of the first films depicting lesbianism as a central theme.  Although not nearly enough hot lesbianism for my tastes. Instead of neck, this vampire prefers to sink her teeth into a nice pair of breasts.  It has all the vampire elements....crosses, stakings, blood and sex.

Carmilla seduces a young victim.

The film breaks no new ground other than the lesbian theme.  It's typical vampire fare and only vampire fans in general will enjoy the film.  The dialogue is rather dull and nothing very important is ever said.  At times, it seems to just be random conversation.  However, as is typical for Hammer, they do a wonderful job with the visual look of the film. There are creepy old castles, misty graveyards and a good dose of blood. It is also a fairly close retelling of Carmilla.

The lead vampire, Ingrid Pitt, actually outshines Peter Cushing in the film. She is an empowered female that overshadows the weak timid females she preys upon.  And it's not just the females....other than Cushing, she weaves her spell and dominates the males here as well. It's actually a fine performance on her part.  She had a lot more talent and charisma than some of the other females roaming about the horror genre at the time.  Cushing seems to be walking through the film.  He's not bad but it seems to be a "been here done that" film for him.  This character certainly doesn't challenge him as the Baron Frankenstein character did.

Ingrid Pitt is a damn fine vampire. 

 Overall, the film is average.  Fans of Hammer, such as myself, will enjoy it. They will enjoy the gothic sets, the blood and the breasts. However, this is not the film I would select to introduce a newbie to the world of Hammer Horror.

Bitch, you can't escape Peter Cushing.

Trivia:
The role of the Man in Black was offered to Christopher Lee but he declined the role and John Forbes-Robertson was cast instead. Forbes-Robertson would also later replace Lee in Hammer's The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires.

This film was given an R rating by the Motion Picture Association of America due to the vampire bites inflicted on the women's bosoms.

This film was given an R rating by the Motion Picture Association of America due to the vampire bites inflicted on the women's bosoms.

It was the final Hammer film to be financed with American money

Quotes:
Marcilla: You must die! Everybody must die!

Baron Joachim von Hartog: They were all evil and remain evil after death.   

You can't stop love.

White Zombie (1932)

Young couple Madeleine and Neil are coaxed by acquaintance Monsieur Beaumont to get married on his Haitian plantation. Beaumont's motives are purely selfish as he makes every attempt to convince the beautiful young girl to run away with him. For help Beaumont turns to the devious Legendre, a man who runs his mill by mind controlling people he has turned into zombies. After Beaumont uses Legendre's zombie potion on Madeleine, he is dissatisfied with her emotionless being and wants her to be changed back. Legendre has no intention of doing this and he drugs Beaumont as well to add to his zombie collection. Meanwhile, grieving 'widower' Neil is convinced by a local priest that Madeleine may still be alive and he seeks her out. 

Here we have the very first Zombie movie....EVER. Not only that, this was the film that inspired Rob Zombie to name his band White Zombie.  He would later go on to become quite the film maker himself.  

The film was directed and produced by brothers Victor Halperin and Edward Halperin.  The screenplay was written by Garnett Weston.  Béla Lugosi stars as the antagonist, Murder Legendre, with Madge Bellamy appearing as his victim. Other cast members included Robert W. Frazer, John Harron and Joseph Cawthorn

The zombies are indeed unnerving.

The film opened to mostly negative reviews. They complained of poor acting and an over the top story.  The acting is indeed poor in spots but not by Bela Lugosi.  Even though his portrayal of Dracula proved to be more iconic, I find this to be Lugosi's best performance. He oozes evil and menace in this film.  There is no question that he is the best thing in White Zombie.

For the modern viewer White Zombie may move too slow or not have the gore they're used too. But the film has a sense of wickedness.  One such example is the scene at the Sugar Mill where the zombies are working, making no sound.  The only noise is the creaking of the machinery that they are forced to operate. This scene gives a kick to the viewer's system and a realization of the evil that is taking place here.  The shot of the undead walking across the mountain is a great visual.  The whole film has an atmosphere that makes it a classic. And the aura that Lugosi gives with his piercing eyes take it over the top. Some may take the look in his as eyes as comical but they're damn unnerving to me.  But the rest of the cast could not keep up and their performances are certainly lacking the same enthusiasm. It's a shame that Lugosi made a shitty $800 for his performance.

Lugosi shines with his performance in White Zombie.

 Even with a shoestring budget it's still a spooky film and one that I feel falls into the category "Classic". And this is almost exclusively due to Lugosi.


Trivia:
The play "Zombie" opened in New York in February, 1932, and the author, Kenneth S. Webb, sued Edward Halperin and Victor Halperin, the film's producers, for the movie rights. The Halperins won the case.

The film was thought lost until its rediscovery in the 1960s. A court battle was fought between film distributor Frank Storace and the estate of Stanley Krellberg, the copyright owner of the film. Storace had wished to produce a restored version of the film but the estate refused him access to original footage in their possession. Storace gave up the court battle and did not win his access to his original footage.

According to friends of Bela Lugosi, the actor always regretted that he had taken the role of "Murder" Legendre for only $800 while the film was quite successful at the box office for the Halperin brothers.

This film was shot in only eleven days, completed March 1932.

The voodoo chanting that plays over the opening credits is sampled in the song "El Imperio del Mal" by the Spanish rock band Migala.

There is no other way.

Quotes:
Charles Beaumont: But there must be another way.
Legendre: There is no other way!

Madeline: Driver, who were those men we saw?
Coach Driver: They are not men, madame. They are dead bodies!

Dr. Bruner: Before we get through with this thing we may uncover sins that even the devil would be ashamed of.

Cheers