Beware (2010)

The town of Shady Grove holds many dark secrets. Amongst those secrets is the sadistic tale of "Shane", a boy who was tortured and chained to a tree as a youngster. Legend has it that for years he survived in the woods all alone until one day he managed to escape. Now, damaged and broken, he wanders those woods in search of blood, with his trademark chains fused to his wrists. Despite years of tales and urban myths, no proof of his existence has ever been discovered, until five unsuspecting teens reveal the truth on an ill-fated trip. 

The movie has the perfect name....Beware watching it.  The cast of kids that go off into the woods are bad...very bad.  I was cheering the killer to finish them off.  That guy Francisco...He was so annoying that I want to find him in real life and whip his ass. But it wasn't all horrible.  The sheriff and the 2 rednecks are actually pretty amusing in the film.  

That's Francisco on the right...the dude with the black fingernails and in serious need of a haircut.

I'm going to throw out some more praise.  The film/production crew actually did a pretty good job with what had to be a shoe string budget. The film looks more expensive than it actually was.  And while I'm dishing out good vibes, let me also say that the killer "Shane" is pretty damn cool.  It's a shame the cast around him was the opposite of cool.

Overall I've seen much worse slasher films.  Only for diehard horror fans though. 

You've Been Warned!

Don't Go In The Woods (2010)

A young band heads to the woods in order to focus on writing new songs. Hoping to emerge with new music that will score them their big break, they instead find themselves in the middle of a nightmare beyond comprehension. 

Don't Go in the Woods is a 2010 American horror musical written and directed by Vincent D'Onofrio. You read that correctly....a fucking horror musical. I'm not sure how to even begin as I've never seen anything like this.  That does it....I'm watching an Elvis movie next.

A band goes into the woods to try and come up with some new songs and before long their girlfriends show up as well.  After that a killer shows up with a sledgehammer and starts taking everybody out.  He must have really hated that singing as much as I did.  I don't think your understand...80% of this film is them singing songs.  I love horror movies and kind of like watching silly bad horror movies....but this film made me angry.  This film should be taken into the woods and left there.

Hey everybody let's sing some songs around the campfire.

In D'Onofrio's defense...the directing wasn't awful only because there didn't appear to be any.  The visuals were fine mainly because they were at least in focus.  But the singing...it's all singing.  The foreign bitch starts singing while the killer is chasing her.  The director for some reason needed every single insignificant "actor" in the film to get a solo song performance.  I've seen hundreds of horror films, and I seriously cannot remember the last time I was this irritated by a one. This movie has absolutely no redeeming qualities. 

Please kill me so I don't have to attend the premiere.

Time for a song.