In the early 1600's, Countess Elizabeth Bathory slaughtered more than
600 young women, believing if she bathed in the blood of virgins that
she would stay young and beautiful forever. Still alive today, she's
found a perfect hunting ground for her 'botox' as an abstinence educator
in conservative America, and the young ladies of San Griento High are
poised to be her next victims. But will her unholy ritual finally be
stopped by Leah Ratliff, a feminist blogger and ambitious reporter for
the school paper?
Chastity Bites is a 2013 comedy-horror film written by Lotti Pharriss Knowles and directed by John V. Knowles.
What we have here is a cute little comedy horror film teeming with hot chicks. It is a clever story that is energetic, quick witted and funny.
The humor is both straight forward cheese ball humor blended with the
darker satirical cultural quips that aren't as "surface". The story follows a writer named Leah that becomes suspicious of a
newly profound abstinence educator that schemes an army of virgins to
please her vicious desires to collect blood to contain her youth. Of
course convincing the entire school would be harder than assassinating
an immortal masked murderer, but this doesn't seem like a heavy
situation as Leah decides to take matters into her own hands to save
her companion in time before she too is slaughtered like other
unfortunate victims in their prime.
 |
| Leah and Katherine. |
The tone is incredibly inconsistent, sometimes feeling like dull rehash of “Mean Girls”. Sometimes you just laugh out loud and other times you groan as the joke falls flat. At times it's like watching a sitcom. Did I mention the chicks were hot? However we get zero nudity. We have some hints at lesbianism as well sprinkled throughout the film.
 |
| A little lesbian action maybe? |
There are some pretty good performances. Allison Scagliotti’s portrayal of Leah is actually likeable, and she’s pretty damn funny. Louise Griffiths is hypnotic as the beautiful stranger Liz. Francia Raisa also did great playing the innocent girl next door and supporting friend.
The film has some on screen deaths but they were mostly anti-climatic
throat cuts with some even taking place off camera. The special effects
for these kills are decent but it doesn’t take much to pull those kind
of kills off. Overall, Chastity Bites is a fun teenage dramedy that
features some bloody deaths and a few good laughs. If you want something
new and different to watch then I recommend this one!
 |
| Who says the virgin always lives 'til the end? |
