Flesh Eating Mothers (1988)

A venereal disease turns an entire town of two-timing mothers into cannibals! 

Flesh Eating Mothers is one of the worst horror movies ever written, directed, and acted.  It's also a great movie if you love bad movies.  There's one bad line after another to make you laugh out loud. It's full of crazy shit. 

The story revolves around a group of mothers that turn into cannibals due to a virus caused by adultery. The only ones that assemble to stop them are the teenage children of the mothers, along with help from a goofball doctor.  They check out the virus under a microscope and it's a fucking cartoon.  It has some great lines.  One girl yells at her mom for eating her boyfriend, saying "thanks a lot mom, that was my date to the prom!"  And "I came home and I saw my mom, eating my baby brother!" 

Little Jimmy had a bad day.

 This movie had to be purposely made bad.  "Flesh Eating Mothers" is a nice and tacky time-waster with cheesy gore effects that are explicit but nevertheless too absurd to shock anyone.  Co-written, co-produced and directed by the extremely untalented James Aviles Martin.  Watch it, if you have a wretched sense of humor! 

What are we supposed to do? Stay here and have our asses chewed out by our mothers?

Mom Always Said "No Snacks Between Meals," But What If You Were The Next Meal?

Fantastic dialogue:
Guy: "So what's eating you?"
Girl: "I saw my father kissing a strange woman, I mean he had his hands all over her"
Guy: "That's pretty bad."
Girl: "Not as bad as seeing my mom eat my baby brother!"
Guy: .......
Girl: "No, no, I'm serious. I saw my mother eating my baby brother."

They bit off more than they could chew!

Beware (2010)

The town of Shady Grove holds many dark secrets. Amongst those secrets is the sadistic tale of "Shane", a boy who was tortured and chained to a tree as a youngster. Legend has it that for years he survived in the woods all alone until one day he managed to escape. Now, damaged and broken, he wanders those woods in search of blood, with his trademark chains fused to his wrists. Despite years of tales and urban myths, no proof of his existence has ever been discovered, until five unsuspecting teens reveal the truth on an ill-fated trip. 

The movie has the perfect name....Beware watching it.  The cast of kids that go off into the woods are bad...very bad.  I was cheering the killer to finish them off.  That guy Francisco...He was so annoying that I want to find him in real life and whip his ass. But it wasn't all horrible.  The sheriff and the 2 rednecks are actually pretty amusing in the film.  

That's Francisco on the right...the dude with the black fingernails and in serious need of a haircut.

I'm going to throw out some more praise.  The film/production crew actually did a pretty good job with what had to be a shoe string budget. The film looks more expensive than it actually was.  And while I'm dishing out good vibes, let me also say that the killer "Shane" is pretty damn cool.  It's a shame the cast around him was the opposite of cool.

Overall I've seen much worse slasher films.  Only for diehard horror fans though. 

You've Been Warned!

Silent Predators (1999)

A small town deals with an invasion of rattlesnakes. 

In 1979, a delivery truck makes its way up a lonely southern California highway in a storm, bound for the San Diego Zoo with a deadly tropical rattlesnake as cargo. When the truck suffers a blowout, the driver loses control and hits a tree, shattering the snake's aquarium in the back and the window separating the snake from the driver. The snake slithers into the front of the truck, kills the driver with its bite and then moves off into the forest. Flash forward to 1999. The small southern California town of San Vicente has grown from 6,000 to 30,000, and the rattler, which escaped nearby years ago, has bred. There are now 25,000 of these hybrid rattlesnakes, and they are slowly making their way downhill into the town, attracted by the movement of the blasting as the town paves its way toward progress. Progress, in this case, brings terror, in this tale originally penned by John Carpenter.  

This film uses every single cliche from countless other horror movies which have "nature vs. the greedy interests of capitalism" as a them.  Not bad for a tele-movie, with capable performances and well conceived sub plots.  It's not the worst film ever but everything here has been done to death.  Even in this film everything is done over.  All the kills and deaths are repetitive.  Snake bites a dummy and dummy dies.

The hunt is on. You're the Prey.

It was directed by Noel Nosseck.  Director Nosseck doesn't do anything special with the film, it has no real style or flair to it although it does look a little better than it's low budget made-for-TV origins would suggest.  The script by John Carpenter (if you can believe that), William S. Gilmore & Matt Dorff is as clichéd, predictable & strictly by-the-numbers as is possible.

Let me suck that poison out baby.

For silent predators these snakes sure make a lot of noise.  Oh yeah, they're fucking rattlesnakes...the nosiest snakes ever. If you can catch this movie on TV and have time to kill you can give it a watch.  Otherwise there is no need to go out of your way to find it.

Trivia:

This was based on "Fangs", a script John Carpenter did back in the 1970s when he wrote as a gun for hire. In the original, according to Carpenter himself, there were scares and jumps all over the place. One scene included a man who hears a rattle, thinks it's his infant, and finds a rattlesnake in the crib.

Let's drive off set and never come back.