Funeral Home (1980)

A young woman arrives at her grandmother's house, which used to be a funeral home, to help her turn the place into a bed-and-breakfast inn. After they open, however, guests begin disappearing or turning up dead.

Funeral Home (also known as Cries in the Night) is a 1980 Canadian horror/thriller directed by William Fruet starring Lesleh Donaldson, Kay Hawtrey, Jack Van Evera, Alf Humphreys, and Harvey Atkin.

"Funeral Home" is a surprisingly entertaining and traditionally morbid early 80's horror movie.  I expected nothing when I plopped down to watch this.  Turns out that it wasn't all that shitty. It's more of thriller than a slasher movie.  The mystery about who the killer is does manage to get some good moments. The fact that there's at least four different possible killers is a great idea, making each red herring a real target is a great skill that comes across wonderfully. 

She was warned!

 There are a couple of negatives with the movie. The very slow pacing is a big issue, and really holds up the film.  Also the lack of kills is disappointing.  However we also have some positives. A creepy atmosphere. Spooky location. Performances are fine all around. A decent score and some sound effects that should give you the chills. The filmmakers at least attempt to make this film suspenseful. Pace really picks up in the second half.

If you've seen Psycho you know what's happening here. No doubt Hawtrey (Grandma) took lessons in hotel management from Norman Bates and his mother.  This film will not be for everyone. Current youngsters who have been brought up on the "Hostel's" and "Saw's" and think of those as stellar slasher flicks will probably not be able to sit through this because the of the slow plot. Though not a 10-star film and not very high on the "shock-meter," it was surprisingly good for a B-Movie. Not an unsung classic just a small tight little horror movie. 

Good riddance to bad rubbish

Trivia: 

Frontier Amusements released this in Canada in the fall of 1980 as CRIES IN THE NIGHT and then re-released the movie in September of 1982 as FUNERAL HOME. 

According to star Lesleh Donaldson this film is quite a popular cult classic in Mexico. 

In an interview with star Lesleh Donaldson she said that she always thought of this film as something of a cross between the Little Red Riding Hood fable and Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho (1960). 

The film's French title is 'Le Cri des Ténèbres', meaning 'The Cry of Darkness'.  

There is something wrong in that house. Something evil!

Deadtime Stories (1986)

A babysitting uncle tells his charges three horror stories--about a killer witch, Little Red Riding Hood and a werewolf, and a story about "Goldi Lox" and the three bears.

Deadtime Stories is a 1986 American film directed by Jeffrey Delman. The film is also known as Freaky Fairytales (in the United Kingdom), The Griebels from Deadtime Stories (in the Netherlands), and The Griebels (European DVD English title).

I had never even heard of this movie when I sat down to watch it.  It's an anthology film with 3 kooky stories. The guy telling the stories is a perverted uncle. All he's trying to do is get his nephew to fall asleep so he can watch the Miss Nude competition.  Can you fault the guy?  I never heard stories like these as a child....chicks are getting banged all over in this film.

The first story is "Peter And The Witches" and is about a young man (Scott Valentine) who is a slave to three witches.  They first get Peter to trick a dude into coming there for some hot orgy action and proceed to burn off his hand for a witches brew to help them find their lost sister. They then get him to trick a big breasted blonde back to the cave to bring the sister back to life. However the power of pussy beats the power of witchcraft and he betrays them. Not much to this story and I almost turned the movie off at this point.  

You go away! I got a meat cleaver here, and I know how to use it!

The next story is "Little Red Runninghood" has a high school girl in a red jogging outfit picking up medicine for her sick grandma at the drug store. She's given the wrong prescription, and the man the medicine belongs to has a very special reason for needing it before the full moon. If you guessed that he changes into a werewolf then you're a winner winner chicken dinner. Of course the horny uncle has little red running hood a virgin and losing her cherry in a shed. I got a couple of laughs during this one. 

Hi, my name is Goldi. Actually, it's Golda. I was born during the Six-Day War.

 The third story is "Goldi Lox And The Three Baers. The "Bear"-family is a trio of lunatics escaped from an asylum and Goldilocks herself is a supernaturally gifted serial killer that impales horny young men for fun. The two parties combine forces and go out for some pizza. This story is crazy and has some dark humor in it.  Of course Goldy bangs the super mentally challenged Baer. She finally has an orgasm and says "Sorry" to all the boys she killed that tried to have sex with her.  This is probably the best of the three and certainly the most original. 

Hi Little Brian....

The special effects are courtesy of Ed French and has surprisingly good performances from its no-name cast.  This film is pure 80's cheese but it has a few laughs and could be enjoyable on a boring night. A really boring night.  A must for bad movie fans. 

Uncle Mike: Once upon a time, there was a little girl named "Rachel." Actually, she wasn't all that little. She was a hot-looking high school senior with deep blue eyes, and fine, firm breasts and...
Little Brian: That's not the way Mommy tells it!
Uncle Mike: Shut up, that's the way I tell it.

Peter having trouble with a very pissed off witch.

Absurb (1981)

A priest comes to a small town to help get rid of a monster whose blood coagulates very fast. This creates problems as the monster is very hard to kill and then decides to go on a killing spree of its own.

Absurd (also known as Rosso Sangue, Anthropophagus 2, Monster Hunter, Horrible, and The Grim Reaper 2) is a 1981 Italian horror film directed by Joe D'Amato and written by George Eastman.  

Absurd was one of the infamous Video Nasties of the United Kingdom, and became one of 39 titles to be successfully prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Acts in 1984. They must have had an absurd stick up their ass over in the UK because other than a little gore this film isn't very nasty. At time it's quite slow and plods along.  

No worries.  It's just a flesh wound.

I guess you could call it a cult film since it was on the video nasties list. That's reason enough for the serious horror fan to see this film.  The move is the follow-up to Joe D'Amato's notorious shocker 'Antropophagus'.  The plot involves a priest going to a small town on the trail of a "monster".  The monster is some guy whose blood clots far faster than normal and this somehow makes him immortal. He's pursued by the priest, a chain-smoking cop and his black assistant who isn't allowed to talk without permission. 

George Eastman is the "monster" and he is an imposing figure. He doesn't really do much acting and just plods around killing folks for no apparent reason. The other actors are mostly below average. The worst is the little kid.  He is so annoying that I was hoping his ass would get introduced to the bandsaw.

Practicing with the bandsaw for shop class.

Did I mention there was some gore in the film.  There are heads being baked in oven's and various power tool murders (including the use of a bandsaw). The "monster" suffers his guts unraveling on railings, blinding by compasses and an axe in the head. 

I didn't know American Football was so popular in the UK but everybody is hanging out watching the Super Bowl between the Steelers & Rams. They obviously recorded their own dialogue for the commentary in the film as the announcers seemed to have no idea how the game is played.  Possibly the film is set in America??  Not sure. But that could be the reason. 

You try to help some people and end up with a drill in the head.

Worthy of a viewing for fans of D'Amato.  Overall, this is not nearly as great as "Antropophagus", but it is definitely a film that any fan of the very brutal kind of Horror/Exploitataion should enjoy. 

Trivia:

The film was one of the original 74 UK video nasties and banned by the BBFC in 1984. It has yet to be re-released in Britain. 

  

What are the differences between the Original Version and the so-called Extended Version? 

The Belgian and the French VHS-Versions are often called extended versions, since they supposedly include all the dialogues - some of them are missing in many other versions. Especially interesting for collectors is a scene of a homeless man and a few bikers which is completely included in these VHS-versions. Surprisingly, it seems that the Belgian VHS tape that was used for this version is missing out on one plot scene.

God Damn this movie is Absurd

The Legend Of Hell House (1973)

A team consisting of a physicist, his wife, a young female psychic and the only survivor of the previous visit are sent to the notorious Hell House to prove/disprove survival after death. Previous visitors have either been killed or gone mad, and it is up to the team to survive a full week in isolation, and solve the mystery of the Hell House. 

The Legend of Hell House is a 1973 British horror film directed by John Hough and starring Pamela Franklin, Roddy McDowall, Clive Revill, and Gayle Hunnicutt. The screenplay was written by Richard Matheson based on his own novel Hell House.

Four people with alleged extrasensory powers are called upon to spend a weekend in a supposedly haunted house, to either prove or disprove the presence of ghosts. Roddy McDowall has been in the house before, and refuses to treat the possibility of paranormal activity lightly; scientist Clive Revill believes that he can trace the happenings to rational explanations involving electric current; Pamela Franklin is convinced that, if spirits exists, she will be able to communicate with them.

For the sake of your sanity, pray it isn't true!

 This was a pretty good little film and it has everything a haunted house tale should have. It really serves up some decent scares and maintains a very creepy atmosphere throughout. Creepy sound effects and eerie music help keep up the mood and director John Hough shoots the film from weird angles keeping you off balance.

Is someone in my bed?

We don't need to see the horror up front, it's better when we can just feel or hear it. Little incidents help fuel the fire, a mad cat, a séance, ectoplasm, suspicious noises, eroticism and a little possession.
The interior of the house itself it perfect. The colors are simple and dulled from age, the place is full of dust and cobwebs, and, remarkably, there are plenty of moments where the old house is actually silent.  Silence is good.  The calm before the storm indeed.  Every actor and actress in this film puts in a solid performance, and therefore every character has an appropriate effect on the audience.

You can't solve it. It can not be solved. You're gonna die!

The actors all performed excellently as well.  Their grim visages and soft British accents really fit well with the cold, dark scenery of the film. Roddy McDowall's performance is outstanding. Pamela Franklin's performance was also very good. 

The Film never succumbs to cheesy tactics. " The Legend of Hell House " is an intelligent and very satisfying haunted house thriller. Check it out.

This house... It knows we're here.

Trivia:
Early in the film, in her and her husband's bedroom, Ann Barrett is seen holding the novel "Sentimental Education" by 19th century French author Gustave Flaubert. The novel was no doubt deliberately chosen for her to hold by the filmmakers since much of the novel is about passion, sex, and desire, making it fit in well with the highly sexualized and erotic nature of much of the film. It also foreshadows her later scenes and hints at her repressed sexuality.

The unsettling tales of Emeric Belasco's acts of debauchery and evil at Hell House were loosely based on stories involving occultist Aleister Crowley. 

Writer Richard Matheson toned down the graphic violence and more intense sexual scenes of his novel to give the screenplay for the film a more brooding atmosphere.

The old books that Ann Barrett sees lined up in the cabinet are titled, from left to right; Obsessive Acts And Religious Practices by Sigmund Freud, The Worship of Priapus by Richard Payne Knight, The Psychology of Sex by H. H. Elliot, Sin And Sex, Conation Volition, Sex And Celibacy by T. Long, The Anatomy of Abuses by Phillip Stubs, Phallic Worship and Auto Erotic Phenomena In Adolescence by K. Menzies. 

What did he do to make this house so evil, Mr. Fischer?

While the film was released in the US with a P.G. rating, in the UK it curiously received an X rating at first.

The film was in development at American International Pictures. It was given to James H. Nicholson when he left AIP to become an independent producer. It turned out to be his only post-AIP production, as he was stricken by a brain tumor, and died shortly thereafter. 

The original novel was set in New England, with an American team of psychic investigators. The storyline was changed, to fit the movie's production in England, with British actors playing the investigators.

Actor Michael Gough spent a very brief time on the production, which is why he is uncredited. Aside from his short appearance in the films finale, Gough's only other contributions to the film were a few recorded lines of dialog. 

Richard Matheson wanted Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor to star in this film. 

I get the impression that you know quite a bit about Belasco. Do you mind sharing it with us?

Seed Of Chucky (2004)

Chuck and Tiff return, resurrected by their son (Billy Boyd), and hit Hollywood in the fifth film of the CHILD'S PLAY series.

When the notoriously evil Chucky doll and his lover gave birth, they had no idea that their spawn would grow up to be a peace-loving kind of guy; however, that's exactly what Glen turns out to be: a gentle soul who is horrified at what he has been told about his family. After hearing the news of a film being made about his parents' murderous legacy, Glen sets off for Hollywood, where he promptly brings Chucky and Tiffany back to life. Far from diving into doting fatherhood, Chucky is seriously disappointed in his son's lack of inherent evil and tries his best to impart his vast knowledge of all things malevolent before Glen becomes some sort of do-gooder. Elsewhere, Tiffany finds that she will be played by Jennifer Tilly in their movie and doesn't hesitate to let her son in on their family's most cherished tradition -- killing sprees. 

The family that slays together stays together.

Now I know what your thinking, that is the stupidest plot in the world.  This is a fun film.  I know I should say that I hated it. I should say it was awful.  But I can't.  It provided no scares, no tension and no suspense.  But god damn it made me laugh and entertained me for 90 minutes.  

Don Mancini, who created Chucky many years ago, finally gets a chance to direct.  He takes the fifth film in this series and actually makes it fresh and fun.  "Seed" has the over the top humour of the best obnoxious comedies and a surprisingly graphic amount of gore - this thing doesn't skimp on the blood.

There are also about a million in-jokes to test your movie IQ.  

I don't know much about myself. I know I'm an orphan. I know I'm a freak. And, of course, I know that I'm Japanese.

Film Editing, Cinematography and incidental music are superb.  Jennifer Tilly is superb in this movie and she has big tits which are on display throughout the film.  She throws herself 100% into this film playing herself which is just a big joke about her. Rapper Redman does a decent job as well playing himself.  He's not really stretching himself too thin doing that. 

Seed Of Chucky is not a film for everyone. You have to be pretty open-minded to endure the morbid humour, but it's the guiltiest pleasure you're likely to have for a long time. The self-aware Hollywood references never become intrusive and the convoluted story never becomes confusing.  It's not easy going entertainment if you're a stuffy conservative.  

Fun stuff from start to finish. 

I am Chucky, the killer doll! And I dig it!

 Trivia:

Jason Flemyng has said the only film he'd erase from his filmography is Seed Of Chucky - "I was dressed as Santa, getting killed by a doll, on a set in Romania, thinking: 'Where did it go wrong?'" He's obviously a dick.  

Because Focus Features has a reputation for yielding eloquent, "artsy" independent films, Rogue Pictures was created as an off-shoot to release this movie. 

The wife of the man Tiffany calls to apologize to is the widow of the cop she killed at the beginning of Bride of Chucky (1998).

Filmed on the largest soundstage in Romania and the second-largest soundstage in Europe where Cold Mountain (2003) was also shot. 

Jennifer Tilly wanted to lose weight to play herself in the movie, but she and Don Mancini inserted "fat jokes" into the script in case she didn't make it.  

The TV spots for this movie displays an unusual disclaimer: Britney Spears Does Not Appear In This Movie. This disclaimer was inserted into TV spots because Britney's management was concerned that people might be lead to believe that Britney actually appears in the movie. It is not her in the movie; but a look-alike.  

The gender confused child of Chucky and Tiffany is named either Glen or Glenda by his parents. Glen or Glenda (1953) was Edward D. Wood Jr.'s film in which Wood himself portrayed the transvestite known as Glen or Glenda.  

This is nuts! And I have a VERY high tolerance for nuts.

 When the floor manager at the beginning of the film shouts "Hey, Tiffany's left arm is loose again" and then the arm grabs his crotch, this is an in-joke as revealed on the DVD commentary for Bride of Chucky (1998). Jennifer Tilly explains that Chucky's left arm kept grabbing her breasts during shoots.

As revealed on the DVD's commentary the directors and producer had difficulty agreeing on the look of Glen. The director wanted to give him his own look and style but the producer felt that he should have features similar to Chucky because after all Glen is his son. As a result Glen was given blue eyes, red hair, and freckles like Chucky. Glen's blue eyes and red hair however are a different shade than Chucky's. 

As revealed on the DVD commentary because of the low budget the crew were unable to shoot the much bigger Chucky vs Glen fight that was in the shooting script.  

Quentin Tarantino was originally offered the role that Redman later played as the role was originally written for him in mind. 

Joe Pantoliano was considered for the role later played by Redman. 

Tiffany: What the hell is goin' on in here?
Chucky: She came on to me!
Tiffany: No wonder her career's in trouble.

The script was originally offered to Universal in 1998, who turned it down. Focus Features (a division of Universal Studios) finally picked up the movie in 2003. 

Chris Sarandon was approached to reprise his role as Det. Mike Norris from the first film, but turned it down due to scheduling conflicts. 

Was originally rated NC-17 by the MPAA and was later released Unrated.

Body Count: 12.  

We're not from Japan! We're from Jersey!

Chucky: If this is what it takes to be human, then I'd rather take my chances as a supernaturally-possessed doll! It's much less complicated! Think about it! What's so great about being human? You get sick! You get old! As a doll, I'm infamous! I am Chucky! The killer doll!

Venom (2005)

A pack of teenagers run for their lives through the swamps of Louisiana, as they are chased by Mr. Jangles, a man possessed by 13 evil souls who is relentless in his pursuit of new victims.

Venom is a 2005 American voodoo horror-of-the-demonic film starring Agnes Bruckner, Jonathan Jackson, Laura Ramsey, Meagan Good, D.J. Cotrona and Method Man.

A good Samaritan becomes the victim of voodoo spells in this horror story produced by Scream screenwriter Kevin Williamson. When an aged Creole woman is caught in a car wreck in a remote section of Louisiana, Ray (Rick Cramer), the owner of a nearby filling station, speeds to the scene of the accident to help. However, Ray doesn't know that the woman is a voodoo practitioner whose vehicle holds a case full of magic talismans. The magical spirits lead Ray to an unexpected death, and then they take over his body, turning him into a bloodthirsty monster. As the reanimated Ray makes his way into town, a group of teenagers including Eden (Agnes Bruckner) and Tammy (Bijou Phillips) find themselves running for their lives from the supernatural creature, while Deputy Turner (Method Man) looks for a way to keep the strange menace under control.

  

He Never Hurt A Soul Until The Day He Died.

This movie received horrible reviews.  But goddammit I thought the killer was cool as fuck.  Look at the above picture.  That's bad ass.  I think the key was that I didn't go in with high expectations so I was pleasantly surprised when it didn't shit the bed.  It is basically a slasher film but it throws in a little voodoo to make it a tad different.  

The actors were a bit wooden but they weren't doing Shakespeare.  Director Jim Gillespie (who also directed, "I Know What You Did Last Summer") offers some well executed shots and some creativity in the picture. The atmosphere is nice, taking place in the muggy Louisiana bayous - it's a perfect setting for the story.

I told you....Bad Ass

This movie also has a numerous amount of creative and gory deaths. Some examples are a missing corpse, a crowbar stabbing, a hanging body, a chain around the neck, a slit throat, voodoo rituals, a collapsing house, a tree branch through the chest and a knife in the head.  

It's a perfectly serviceable slasher film. Give it a shot if you don't expect too much. 

Mr. Jangles has had a bad evening.

Trivia:

The movie is based on a story for a video game that BFG has in development. 

In the video game and some versions of the script, Ray Sawyer was nicknamed Mr. Jangles because of his keys. When you hear them jangling, you know he's near. 

Originally entitled "Backwater".

Fangoria Magazine did a behind-the-scenes story during the making of the film while it was shooting under the title "The Reaper". The title was changed to "Venom" shortly before its release.  

Wonderman From Shaolin (1979)

This 1979 kung fu classic tells the tale of a young master fighter (Casanova Wong) defending the honor of a Shaolin temple against merciless hordes of bloodthirsty Mongolian warriors. 

A group of mongrel warriors seek out a sacred statue in hopes of gaining legitimate force in the government in this martial arts-adventure featuring Korean fighter Casanova Wong. In the time of the Ching Dynasty, a group of fearsome mongrels descend upon the Shaolin temple in hopes of acquiring the sacred gold Buddha. Knowing that possession of the Buddha will give them leverage within the government, the fighters risk everything in a deadly battle against a legendary lone monk known only as The Wonder Man. The Wonder Man is the master of the Sun Fist Style, but in order to maintain possession of the golden Buddha, The Wonder Man will have to do battle with the White Haired Slayer -- master of the Wind Blade. Could it be that The Wonder Man has finally met his match?

Overall this is not the worst Kung Fu film you could check out....but it's far from the best. It stars Casanova Wong who can kick his ass off. He also does a good job in the first half of the film pretending to be deaf and dumb.  I thought the dumb guy was going to become a Kung Fu master and save the day.  But no, he was fooling everyone to get his revenge against the man that killed his father.  

Try and stop my Wind Blade style

The movie was actually filmed in Korea and stars mostly Koreans as extras.  

The majority of the film kinds of drags with a few fights here and there.  But the last 20-30 minutes is filled with major ass kicking.  I found our hero getting his power from the sun to be a little far fetched and the evil doer's Wind Blade isn't that much better.  I've seen much worse for sure.  Two side kicks our of five. 

World Of The Drunken Master (1979)

A winery owner and drunken boxing master trains two young boys in the art of drunken boxing after he catches them stealing from his winery.

After the success of Jackie Chan's film Drunken Master, more drunken Kung Fu films started cropping up to cash in.  This is an unofficial sequel/prequel to that film and focuses on the early life of Begger Su and his pal Fan Ta-Pei.  Begger Su is one of the most iconic characters in martial arts cinema.  Director Joseph Kuo resurrected the character for this film. Simon Yuen (the original Begger Su actor) is all over the box cover and appears in the opening credits demonstrating drunken kung fu but then is replaced by two other actors for the rest of the film.  A little bait and switch which is highly disappointing.

Vineyard owner Chang Chi catches Fan Ta-pei and Su Hua-tzu red-handed as they steal grapes from his supplies. To make good for what they've stolen, Chang Chi puts them to work in his winery, and soon discovers they both have a natural talents for the martial arts. Chang begins coaching them in the finer points of Kung Fu, and one day when Fan Ta-pei and Su Hua-tzu see a thug named Yeh Hu harassing the townspeople, they stand up to the bully, only to discover he outpaces them as a fighter. Chang Chi arrives in time to save the day, but this rekindles an old rivalry between him and Yeh Hu, and now Fan Ta-pei and Su Hua-tzu must get serious about their martial arts studies to protect Chang Chi and the villagers from Yeh Hu and his minions.

Fan Ta-pei and Su Hua-tzu reunited 30 years later.

Action director Yuen Cheung-Yan put in some solid work here with the fighting but it doesn't come close to matching the original Drunken Master film.  The fight scenes still supply enough excitement to raise World of the Drunken Master above the shallow level of your average chop socky movie. There are a few comedic elements in the film and despite their appearances, Li Yi-Min and Jack Lung make a competent comic team.  The film ended with sort of a cliffhanger ending which was surprising.  As far as I know there was no sequel.  Who the hell knows what happened next.  It's a rather confusing ending.

Fan Ta-pei ready to kick some ass.

One bad point about the film is the final fights are way too cut-up.  The film has great fight choreography, a well-acted and thought out main plot, and good cinematography. The subplot at the beginning and ending of the film...not so thought out.  Overall it is a worthy film to add to your collection if you're a fan of old school Hong Kong cinema.

Geronimo (1962)

An Apache warrior who defies U.S. attempts to bring the Indians under control grapples with an array of U.S. soldiers sent to subdue his revolt. Sympathetic scouts seek to bring Geronimo back to the reservation before he is hunted down. 

Blond haired Chuck Conners is GERONIMO!!!!  That's right a white dude playing the famous Indian. We also have Kamala Devi playing his wife.  She's an Indian alright...from India playing an American Indian.  Conners must have really dug her because he married her in real life.  It even has Batman Adam West as a member of the Union army in hot pursuit of Geronimo.  However, their performances are actually pretty good.  Conners was at the height of his popularity as "The Rifleman" when this film was made.

Geronimo wants a little Indian Va-jay-jay

I suppose this was a pretty good Western film but there wasn't nearly enough battles or gun fights for me.  They are very far and few between.  The film begins with Geronimo surrendering  and going to live on the San Carlos Reservation.  But ill treatment by corrupt politicians and self righteous do-gooders forces Geronimo to take his warriors and leave. He then has a stand off with the US Army.  It then ends at a point that will make you wonder what happened in real life to Geronimo afterwards. 

The Most Defiant Warrior Of Them All!

If you can get over how ridiculous Connors looks as a blue eyed Indian, the film Geronimo is not a bad one given the fact it is a B film.  The script problems include the movie not really going deep in his character but it held my attention.  It's probably not historically accurate but you could do much worse on a snowy afternoon.

Geronimo is not a big fan of reading.

 What did happen in real life? Geronimo didn't live happily ever after but was screwed again by the hated white man and not allowed to returned to his beloved and ancestral homeland in the Arizona Territory of the USA. Geronimo instead ended up making a meager living becoming a side show curiosity in Wild West Shows with people paying to photograph or be photographed with the once brave and fearless Apache warrior. Living out his last days at the US Army base at Fort Sill Oklahoma Geronimo passed away on in the dead of winter on February 17, 1909 at the age of 79 from pneumonia. His last words were reported to have been said to his nephew saying that the biggest mistake he ever made was surrendering and not fighting to the death against the white man. That damn evil white devil.

No bullet could kill him. No army could capture him.

72 Desperate Rebels (1978)

Directed by Lin Bin, Seventy-Two Desperate Rebels centers around the infamous pirate Pu Ho-nien's effort to topple the Ming Dynasty. When Pu employs 72 seasoned kung-fu fighters to help achieve his goal, the situation looks bleak for the reigning imperialists. However, among the intricately rated fighters -- younger members wore headbands indicative of how many men they had killed -- exists a spy, a blind swordsman, and the mysterious Ghost Killer, all of whom threaten Pu Ho-nien's plans.

Check out the DVD cover above..."an unstoppable army of ninja".  There's not one fucking Ninja in this movie.

This film is sort of a rip off of ideas from many other kung fu flicks. You have the "Ghost Killer"...obviously a copy of the "Ghost Face Killer".  You also have a blind swordsman and a one armed swordsman...themes from other flicks. One part that's original but not very cool, is the giant monk that runs around and obviously can't be killed.  They threw that mother fucker off a cliff and he just rumbled up later out of the ocean.  Let me take that back.  The bastard can bite through metal which is a rip off of "Jaws" from the James Bond movies.

I'm not scared of that big fucking Monk.

However if you watched Kung Fu theater on Saturday's and enjoyed it, this is a good movie for you.
It has all the intangibles for a good Kung Fu movie--unbelievable Kung Fu action, bad sound effects, bad editing, and bad overdubs. A large band of fighters terrorize China during the Ming dynasty. Through their terror, they end up killing some one's father, and as we all know in Kung Fu, that means sworn revenge.  There's tons of fighting and some of it is a little better choreographed than others.

I did enjoy the different rooms our heroes had to fight through to get to the evil bandit leader. They pass through some rooms of a sort of magic causing them visual disorientation, dizzying flag twirling, and a bizarre contraption of small, deafening bells attached to an overhead bamboo framework. Not terribly believable, but interesting to see.

The stars are not terribly charismatic. The female fighters are not memorable and not particularly skilled, although they are attractive. The only names in the cast are Tien Peng as one of the heroes; Pai Ying as villain Po Ho Nin; Lung Fei as the Blind Swordsman; Tsai Hung as one of the lead villains; and Chen Sing in one short fight scene as one of Po's warriors.  Ying is excellent as the villain and a stand out but he doesn't fight enough.

Overall fans of cheesy kung fu flicks will find this enjoyable.  I was entertained.

Our heroes are trapped....time for some vicious Kung Fu